Mix CD or Jigsaw Puzzle?

Not that many people actually read my blog, but in any case, sorry for not updating for a few days.
I was in Utah all weekend with Brad, staying at Jenna's house.
And Brad wrote all the details in his blog.
So i'll spare you all the details for fear or repetition.
And my plain laziness.

So anyways, happy news!
I got my camera back yesterday!!!
So expect billions and gillions of pictures to appear on my Facebook and on here!

Rather than looking for jobs today, which I know I SHOULD be doing, i'm going to do something else.
Wedding stuff!
I'm gonna head over to Michaels in a bit and look at some stuff for my mom.
Then I might head over to the post office and check on postage for my two invitation ideas.
Then I dunno.
I'll just see where the wind blows me.

The one thing that sucks:
I HATE doing things by myself.
I know that seems contradictory to my general nature, because i'm usually rather independent.
But when it comes to driving places and doing things, I just don't like to do it alone.
This may sound lame, but my dad took me to the dentist last month, and he wanted to just drop me off and pick me up later, but I hated it.
I made him go inside with me and help me check in.
THEN I let him leave.
Which still wasn't fun.
I don't know why I can't just be normal and be an adult, but I just can't!
That sounds bad considering i'm getting married in 7 weeks, but oh well.
That's what Brad is for.
:D

Time Square can't shine as bright as you.

I was going to blog yesterday, but I was so busy job hunting/driving to Rexburg/hanging out with Brad/watching Smallville that I completely forgot.
Not that there is much to write anyways.
I'm engaged.
I'm the happiest i've ever been.

Yesterday, after I got back from Rexburg, I was sitting in my room at my desk, looking out at the park that is outside my window, listening to Brightwood, drinking cold light lemonade, and spinning the ring on my finger and I think that the euphoria I experienced at that precise moment was indescribable.

I'm heading into Utah for the weekend.
Going to a mission reunion with Brad.
Who knows, maybe i'll see some missionaries I recognize!
Lol.
Then we're watching conference at Jenna's house in Orem.
Should be a pretty fun weekend.
:D

These are the best days of our lives

So yeah, as i'm sure half the world had heard by now, Brad and I are engaged!

And since everyone and their mom's (literally!) has been asking, here's how it all went down:

I'm chillin in my room in Idaho Falls.
I was a little tired of unpacking and what not, so I was just sitting on my computer and texting Brad.
Well, he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner tomorrow night at Carinos, so I said yes.
Then, turns out, he forgot he had a frisbee game tomorrow night, so he decided to drive out to IF tonight for dinner.
So, he comes and picks me up and we drive over to Carinos.
We ate way yummy food and just kind of held hands and enjoyed each others company.
After we left, we stopped by the Idaho Falls temple and decided to walk around the grounds.
We come to this little bench that is actually kind of randomly placed in the middle of the grass, and we sat down.
After I made some comments about how the bench made my butt cold, Brad asked if I remember when we first met.
So we exchanged our perspectives on the meeting and what we thought of each other, which was kind of funny.
Then he just ups and gets down on his knees in front of me, told me he loved me, pulled a ring out from his pocket, and popped the question.
Obviously I said yes and then we proceeded to kiss.
Then we came back here and just hung out for a few hours.
Took some pictures.
Texted 80 billion people.
Kissed. A lot.
And he left just a few minutes ago.
I love my fiance.
<3

101

Well, I got into Rexburg yesterday around 7ish.
Hung out with Brad in the Hinckley as he was doing church-related things.
Then went and saw Eagle Eye, which was actually pretty good!
Though I was expecting it to be.
Then came over to Ana's, stayed up till after 3 talking, then finally fell asleep.
The big plans for today:
Lunch with my brother.
Take Ana to get a new battery for her scooter.
Go by my storage unit and get out some things i'm gonna wanna take with me to my new place.
Then head down to Idaho Falls and move into my room.
I'm pretty excited.
:D

Oh, p.s. ALWAYS watch your speed.
Even when you don't think cops are around.
Because they might just be lurking there, undercover in a cute little muscle car with racing stripes.
And they might just pull you ever for going 101 in a 75 zone because you were too busy listening to Harry Potter to notice the speedometer.
And they might just give you a $232 speeding ticket.
And you might just have to tell everyone who reads your blog not to spill the beans to anyone, because a speeding ticket is the last thing you'll want your parents to hear about as they're helping you pay for and plan your wedding.

When the sun goes down in the universe...

The title is something unique to me.
Something that possibly only a handful of people ever heard about, but none of which probably remember.
I wrote a song in about the 6th grade.
It has a couple verses, a chorus a bridge.
It had a basic melody and I had even started to compose a little bit on the piano.
After a few months, I gave up on it, throwing away the lyrics somewhere and frustrated with my inability to even play the piano, let alone write an accompanying melody on it for my song.
Since 6th grade however, I hum the tune often.
In fact, I hum it at least once a week, if not 4 or 5 days a week.
I only remember parts of the chorus, none of the verses, and the simple melody to the chorus.
But the words I remember go something like this:
And when the sun goes down in the universe,
And my heart stops beating in every verse,
And love and life start to just reverse,
I'll stop needing you
Seeing you
Loving you

As often as these words and simple tune enter my head, I never thought much about them.
When I wrote the song, I was a love sick 11 year old, hoping to find my true love in the cafeteria of Desert Springs Middle School.
As the years went on, I continues in my journey, looking for someone to fit these few lines I had written, but never really finding it.
My junior year of high school, I thought I had found him.
That boy who crossed the impossible.
Who I never thought I would stop loving until the day that God ceased to exist.
And yet I did.
I did stop loving him.
And yet life moved on.

As I was casually humming this tune today, it hit me hard.
The melody.
The words.
The meaning.
That person who I was always looking for, I was always in love with already.
I knew what it was that I needed in life, and I have always been in love with the idea of it.
When I finally found someone that seemed to fit that "mold" that I had been in love with my whole life, I was in serious denial for a long time.
Honestly, I was in denial for almost the entire time that we were dating.
Most of me didn't think that this could be that perfect fit.
This couldn't be that one puzzle piece that seemed to have disappeared over the years.
Yet part of me, a very hidden and sub-conscious part of me knew, really KNEW that he fit my song.
He would be that one person that I could never fall out of love with.
And when I finally decided to embrace that small part of me, it all came zooming out!
It was like an ocean of emotion from most of my life, swelled up inside of me.
It was all that love that I had already stored up for my perfect match, and it just came spilling out.
The sun will never set in the universe.
My heart will never stop believing in this simple song that I wrote.
My love and my life will never reverse, because I know what my goals are and I know where I am headed.
I will never stop needing him.
I will never stop seeing him.
I will never stop loving you, Brad.

They never said life would be easy...

Why is it so freaking DIFFICULT for me to just get over this?
Why can't I get past it?
Why can't these stupid feelings have gone away already?
I wish more than anything that I could erase parts of my memory.
Then I could stop driving home crying.
Or throwing my phone across the room.
Or punching my pillow while cursing at myself!

I need to get away.
This is what my parents don't understand about me not wanting to live here in town with them.
I can't take it.
Sometimes to get over something, you just need to completely remove yourself.
Burn all bridges.
Cut all ties.
Detach myself from what once was.
And being here isn't helping that.
It doesn't help when I drive past his house.
Or when his mom stops me at the grocery store.
Or when an old acquaintance assumes I might know how he's doing and what he's been up to.
I can't handle it.
No matter how well I can compose myself and act like everything is ok, the second i'm alone, I let loose.
And it's driving me nuts.
And I thought that with repentance, with deleting his number, by ignoring his invites...
Things might be solved.
But they aren't.
Thank goodness I'll be in Idaho on Tuesday.
Thank goodness he'll be in Iraq on Tuesday.
I really don't think that these mental breakdowns are good for me.

Pity a woman alone with limited wind.

Well today was quite an adventure!
Without going into too much detail, since i know Brad will read this and i'm trying to be sneaky, lets just say that I did some "shopping" with my mom and found something that is completely amazing and i'm excited to buy it once I actually have some money.
Other than that, not much really happened.
Had an eye appt, only to confirm my blindness, up my prescription, get new contacts, and get my glasses straightened!
Drove out to Vista for the "shopping" and was there for about an hour.
Drove down to San Diego to pick up all my stuff from Jeni's place.
Got some Carls Jr.
Then got some A&W.
Then came home.

I am SO SICK of moving, it's not even funny.
I hate the looks of suitcases.
I hate folded clothing.
I hate small travel shampoos.
I hate it!
Gah!
I just want to settle down somewhere for a while.
At least a month or two!
Geesh!
Sad thing is, after bringing all my stuff back from Jeni's today (after moving it all out there two weeks ago), i've got to pack it all back in my car on Monday, drive up to Idaho, only to unload it all again.
THEN, i'll probably have to pack up all over again a few months later.
It's all too much for me.
I need stability for a little bit!
Please?!

Anyways, i'm way tired.
And I need to go take a shower.
And I need to read "Eragon" before Sunday so I can give it back to David.
I haven't even started it yet.
Lol.
Adios for now Muchachos!