Sunday, September 28, 2008
Something that possibly only a handful of people ever heard about, but none of which probably remember.
I wrote a song in about the 6th grade.
It has a couple verses, a chorus a bridge.
It had a basic melody and I had even started to compose a little bit on the piano.
After a few months, I gave up on it, throwing away the lyrics somewhere and frustrated with my inability to even play the piano, let alone write an accompanying melody on it for my song.
Since 6th grade however, I hum the tune often.
In fact, I hum it at least once a week, if not 4 or 5 days a week.
I only remember parts of the chorus, none of the verses, and the simple melody to the chorus.
But the words I remember go something like this:
And when the sun goes down in the universe,
And my heart stops beating in every verse,
And love and life start to just reverse,
I'll stop needing you
As often as these words and simple tune enter my head, I never thought much about them.
When I wrote the song, I was a love sick 11 year old, hoping to find my true love in the cafeteria of Desert Springs Middle School.
As the years went on, I continues in my journey, looking for someone to fit these few lines I had written, but never really finding it.
My junior year of high school, I thought I had found him.
That boy who crossed the impossible.
Who I never thought I would stop loving until the day that God ceased to exist.
And yet I did.
I did stop loving him.
And yet life moved on.
As I was casually humming this tune today, it hit me hard.
That person who I was always looking for, I was always in love with already.
I knew what it was that I needed in life, and I have always been in love with the idea of it.
When I finally found someone that seemed to fit that "mold" that I had been in love with my whole life, I was in serious denial for a long time.
Honestly, I was in denial for almost the entire time that we were dating.
Most of me didn't think that this could be that perfect fit.
This couldn't be that one puzzle piece that seemed to have disappeared over the years.
Yet part of me, a very hidden and sub-conscious part of me knew, really KNEW that he fit my song.
He would be that one person that I could never fall out of love with.
And when I finally decided to embrace that small part of me, it all came zooming out!
It was like an ocean of emotion from most of my life, swelled up inside of me.
It was all that love that I had already stored up for my perfect match, and it just came spilling out.
The sun will never set in the universe.
My heart will never stop believing in this simple song that I wrote.
My love and my life will never reverse, because I know what my goals are and I know where I am headed.
I will never stop needing him.
I will never stop seeing him.
I will never stop loving you, Brad.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Why can't I get past it?
Why can't these stupid feelings have gone away already?
I wish more than anything that I could erase parts of my memory.
Then I could stop driving home crying.
Or throwing my phone across the room.
Or punching my pillow while cursing at myself!
I need to get away.
This is what my parents don't understand about me not wanting to live here in town with them.
I can't take it.
Sometimes to get over something, you just need to completely remove yourself.
Burn all bridges.
Cut all ties.
Detach myself from what once was.
And being here isn't helping that.
It doesn't help when I drive past his house.
Or when his mom stops me at the grocery store.
Or when an old acquaintance assumes I might know how he's doing and what he's been up to.
I can't handle it.
No matter how well I can compose myself and act like everything is ok, the second i'm alone, I let loose.
And it's driving me nuts.
And I thought that with repentance, with deleting his number, by ignoring his invites...
Things might be solved.
But they aren't.
Thank goodness I'll be in Idaho on Tuesday.
Thank goodness he'll be in Iraq on Tuesday.
I really don't think that these mental breakdowns are good for me.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Without going into too much detail, since i know Brad will read this and i'm trying to be sneaky, lets just say that I did some "shopping" with my mom and found something that is completely amazing and i'm excited to buy it once I actually have some money.
Other than that, not much really happened.
Had an eye appt, only to confirm my blindness, up my prescription, get new contacts, and get my glasses straightened!
Drove out to Vista for the "shopping" and was there for about an hour.
Drove down to San Diego to pick up all my stuff from Jeni's place.
Got some Carls Jr.
Then got some A&W.
Then came home.
I am SO SICK of moving, it's not even funny.
I hate the looks of suitcases.
I hate folded clothing.
I hate small travel shampoos.
I hate it!
I just want to settle down somewhere for a while.
At least a month or two!
Sad thing is, after bringing all my stuff back from Jeni's today (after moving it all out there two weeks ago), i've got to pack it all back in my car on Monday, drive up to Idaho, only to unload it all again.
THEN, i'll probably have to pack up all over again a few months later.
It's all too much for me.
I need stability for a little bit!
Anyways, i'm way tired.
And I need to go take a shower.
And I need to read "Eragon" before Sunday so I can give it back to David.
I haven't even started it yet.
Adios for now Muchachos!
1. I realized just how important it is to cut some people out of your life, because when they try and sneak back in, it hurts. It really, really, really hurts.
2. I tried on my older sister's wedding dress for kicks and giggles. And if you don't understand why that is significant for me at this moment in time, you should get to know me better!
3. Smallville and The Office. Smallville = INTENSE! I can't wait for the rest of the season. You don't even know. The Office = So funny! I feel like if I took bits from each character and story line and stuck them together, they would describe my life right now. Especially the lemonade diet. And maybe the gas station in the rain. Lol.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I will be in moving to Idaho Falls next Wednesday around 5:30 p.m.
I will be living with a single mom and her two kids.
I'm driving up to Idaho on Tuesday.
I'll probably leave from San Diego Monday, then stay the night at my parents on Monday night.
Then i'll probably leave DHS and start heading up there really early, like maybe 4 or 5 in the morning.
Hopefully i'll be in Rexburg by 10 or 11.
Then i'll stay the night up there.
Gather my stuff from storage, then head down to Idaho Falls on Wednesday.
I'm pretty stinkin' excited!
I'm considering leaving on Monday morning instead and making some stops on the way up there.
Maybe visit my cousin in Orem or my other cousins in Alpine.
Then I could stay the night in Utah somewhere and head up to Idaho on Tuesday morning.
Then I could spend tuesday hanging out with people!
But I don't know. We'll see.
Taggin’ It Up Rules
1: Each player starts with 8 habits or facts about themselves.
2: People who are tagged need to write a post on their blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3: At the end of the post you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
1. I was walking along the beach in La Paz, Mexico and a coconut fell from a tree and barely missed my head. I took it home to California and planted it in the backyard.
2. I constantly fidget.
3. I tend to start walking on my left foot, and walk in step to any beat that can be heard (thanks a lot Coble).
4. Oliver Twist is my favorite book and I would give anything to live in that time period.
5. I lick my lips. A LOT.
6. I used to kick guys in the crotch and slap them for fun when I was in the 5th grade.
7. I ditched class more often than a lot of the school's potheads, and still graduated with straight A's.
8. I made out with my hand at girl's camp one summer. It was late at night and everyone was doing it!
Now, for the tagging.
I think I will skip tagging anyone, simply because I just did one of these, what, yesterday? and tagged people in that one.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I was there for one week.
Then had to come home to sell some textbooks and make some money.
I planned on leaving the next day, but got stuck into staying here for a week.
So i'm here till Friday.
I was planning on going back to San Diego friday night and staying there for quite a while.
Now, let me just say that everyday for the past couple months, i've been looking for some place to live up in Rexburg.
And of course, now is when I finally find something.
I would move in next Wednesday if I do move up there.
So, once again, i'm at a crossroads.
My parents still want me to stay in Desert Hot Springs, and I even had a job offer, sort of, to work with the city.
All my stuff and my best friend is down in San Diego, and I even had my church records transferred down there and told everyone in the ward that I had just moved in.
I've got an affordable place to live in Rexburg, a majority of my possesions are up there, my brother wants me up there, and well, lets face it, the main reason is because Brad is up there.
I wish I could just make a decision and stick to it.
I'm so indecisive!
I was talking to one of my older sisters on the phone the other day and she told me that she had recently been diagnosed with ADD.
She was telling me the symptoms, and i'm almost positive I have ADD as well.
And this isn't just my hypochondriac side coming out, because i'm ALWAYS saying I have some disease or something, but this time it's really for real.
Anyways, that was a bit of a tangent.
I'm gonna talk to my dad about it when he gets home tonight and hopefully make an actual decision.
If it's a, "move to Idaho" decision, i'll be calling the landlord tomorrow and setting things up, then emailing back the girl who will be my roomie and getting everything sorted out there.
Then probably just drive straight up on maybe Tuesday.
Stay the night with Ana in her apartment.
Then move in on Wednesday.
Job hunting on Thursday, Friday, everyday until I find a job.
Then be happy and content with my life.
Sound like a good plan?
Monday, September 22, 2008
6 Unspectacular Quirks...
1. I have three completely separate personalities, and I like to keep it that way. One is how I act around people I have known for years and year. I am extremely talkative, very funny, I do random dances and sing songs loudly and act like i'm 9 years old. My second personality is my "professional" one. The one I have when around employers, teachers, and people I just meet. I smile a lot, use my large vocabulary, make jokes at the right times, and say all the right things. My third personality is my favorite, and generally most common. It's the actual me. The, sit around and not do much me. I get into big conversations, but mostly listen to the other person talk. I smile a lot, but not constantly. I'm sarcastic and witty, but am not especially outgoing. I know people say that you should always be yourself around everyone, but I like having three different "me's."
2. I like things to look well-used and old. My lappy (laptop) is only a year old, and it already looks like i've had to for years. I don't like when things are months old but look brand new. I'm not sure why, but it just bugs me! Talk about a strange quirk...
3. I never stay mad for long. Seriously. As hard as it is to get me mad in the first place, you'd think that after so much effort, I would stay mad for a while. But I really don't. I think I've just been through so much crap, that if I did actually hold grudges, I would be so weighed down right now, it would be ridiculous. Which is why I learned to just let things go and forgive. Reflecting on who I am as a person, I would say this is probably my best quality.
4. I am terrified of crickets. Yes, the little relatives of grasshoppers that make that eerie, ear-splitting, high-pitched noise at night. I have been scared of them for my entire life, and despite my efforts, I don't think I will ever get over this fear. One day, you all will read some news story about some human who was eaten alive by these little monsters, and everyone who told me crickets were harmless will be put to shame.
5. Once you get to know me, you might be surprised that I actually really dislike social situations. I hate going to party's or events with a lot of people I don't know, as well as being in small groups where I only know one or two people. It makes me very uncomfortable and I avoid these situations as much as possible. I would MUCH rather be in a huge group with a majority of people I already know, or being in a small group where I only DON'T know one or two people, but I know everyone else. I'm kind of anti-social in this aspect, but I don't mind. I stick to people I know, and that's all.
6. Despite my obsession with the color pink and my generally colorful and bubbly personality, I don't like wearing colored clothing. I love to wear blacks, grays, browns, and white. Deep reds and blues are ok sometimes, but I love just the basic, kind of neutral tones. Friends and family will try to buy clothes for me, and while I appreciate it, the bright pink shirts just aren't me. With this, since i'm already on number 6, I don't really wear accessories. I was big into jewelery and belts and the like in my early teens, but as time wore on and as I grew up, I kind of left that all behind. If I actually wear jewelry, it's generally just one simple necklace, maybe some small diamond stud earrings, and perhaps a CTR ring. I just don't like to feel cluttered. I much prefer plain and simple.
Now, for the tagging.
Since i'm kind of a social blogging newbie (I've been blogging for years, but it's always been private), I don't have many blogging friends. And since Jenna already tagged Brad, this makes it harder.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Which only contributes to me wanting to stay here in town for another day.
Full stomach = Tired.
Sunburn = Tired.
Nighttime = Tired.
I don't even like to blink while I drive, let alone risk falling asleep.
And there's nothing for me to go back to!
An empty apartment during the day, and disappointment from the lack of a job.
From the lack of even an interview!
Talked to Teresa today, my niece Zara's other grandmother.
She works for the City of Desert Hot Springs and said she might be able to get me a job down at city hall.
Just lots of busy work type stuff, which is just fine with me!
If I get a job here, I guess it won't be too hard to pack everything up from San Diego and come back.
Since pretty all my stuff is STILL packed since there's no room for my stuff anywhere.
I'm sure Jeni will be disappointed, but what else can I do?!
I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place and don't have many prospects for getting out for a while.
The only thing that keeps me going is knowing that I will be in Idaho come January.
I'll have a place to live, a good-paying job, all of my possessions again (since it's all in storage up there), a couple of my best friends, and Brad!
And finally after months of feeling lame and pathetic, I will have a life again!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
My hands are sunburned, so I won't type much, but i'll put up some pictures!
But here's a short rundown of the day:
Left around 8 am.
Wendy's for breakfast.
Singing and pictures in the car.
Laying on the beach.
Getting smacked by waves,.
Chris and I both got fully buried in sand.
No pictures of it unfortunately.
We all got sunburned way bad.
Nate the worst probably.
Walked the beach and up and down the pier.
Had shakes, shaved ice for me.
Then left around 3ish.
Stopped at In-N-Out for dinner.
Flashed some buses full of Marines on the way home.
It was way fun!
Friday, September 19, 2008
So here I am, back in the desert.
You know, if it rained here a little bit more often, this would be my ideal place to live.
Not like, here in the ghetto.
But the climate/landscape/whatever.
San Diego, as much as other people love the weather...
It's just too moist for me.
I love dry air.
Driving into town, I could feel the difference.
I love it.
So, I made a decision as I was driving home this afternoon.
If I don't have a job down there two weeks from today, i'm moving back in with my parents.
And if I don't get a job here in Desert Hot Springs by the end of October, i'm going to ask my sister Laura if I can move in with her.
And, if all three of these places fail for me, I was obviously not meant to have a job and I will just move up to Idaho and mooch off of my friends.
Hopefully it doesn't come to that sad and desperate of a situation.
Or maybe, as everyone thought I would have done by now, i'll just get married.
I think i'm gonna head over to the high school.
See if Nate is still over there and we can chill for a bit.
And I think i'll take my scooter and save on gas.
In the meantime, y'all should take this quiz.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I've had quite a few different ones.
In fact, I write in my Xanga and Livejournal quite frequently.
However, my Xanga is private, so none of you can read it.
And my Livejournal is really getting on my nerves (making it cute and personalized is very difficult).
So here I am, starting up a Blogger Blog.
I figure I won't write much in this first one.
Just a little introduction.
My full name is Kimberly Jean Evenson.
I just turned 19 years old, and have already flunked out of college.
I'm trying to get back in though, so no worries.
I'm currently stationed in San Diego, endlessly searching for a job.
No luck yet.
I'm living with my best friend since birth, Jeni Perez, and things are going ok so far.
We'll see how it goes.
I think a lot differently than many people.
I write with my own style.
I take endless amounts of pictures.
I'm not afraid to completely open up and put myself out there.
As Brad likes to remind me, i'm rather unique.
I love anything related to politics.
I play video games and will kick your butt at them.
I like to play outside in the rain and listen to thunder.
I love hiking.
I thoroughly enjoy watching movies and I never get tired of watching them.
I read like there is no tomorrow.
I love pink and dresses and makeup and high heels.
I also love camping and roughing it.
I like things that are old, but I completely embrace modernism.
My ideal career is to be a wife and mother, but I wouldn't mind being an astronaut also.
I spend a majority of my free time on Facebook or watching TV shows online like Smallville, Heroes, The Office, and Boy Meets World reruns.
I listen to music. More music than you've probably even heard of.
And don't be surprised if you hear me singing along to Nsync, Frank Sinatra, Black Eyed Peas, Disturbed, and The Moldy Peaches, all in the same hour.
Lego Star Wars is amazing.
As is Monopoly.
And ice fishing.
I'll try and blog everyday.
No, not try.
I WILL blog everyday.
For a while anyways.
As long as i'm unemployed, I might as well do SOMETHING.
If you want to catch up on my Livejournal, here's the link: