Sunday, September 28, 2008

When the sun goes down in the universe...

The title is something unique to me.
Something that possibly only a handful of people ever heard about, but none of which probably remember.
I wrote a song in about the 6th grade.
It has a couple verses, a chorus a bridge.
It had a basic melody and I had even started to compose a little bit on the piano.
After a few months, I gave up on it, throwing away the lyrics somewhere and frustrated with my inability to even play the piano, let alone write an accompanying melody on it for my song.
Since 6th grade however, I hum the tune often.
In fact, I hum it at least once a week, if not 4 or 5 days a week.
I only remember parts of the chorus, none of the verses, and the simple melody to the chorus.
But the words I remember go something like this:
And when the sun goes down in the universe,
And my heart stops beating in every verse,
And love and life start to just reverse,
I'll stop needing you
Seeing you
Loving you

As often as these words and simple tune enter my head, I never thought much about them.
When I wrote the song, I was a love sick 11 year old, hoping to find my true love in the cafeteria of Desert Springs Middle School.
As the years went on, I continues in my journey, looking for someone to fit these few lines I had written, but never really finding it.
My junior year of high school, I thought I had found him.
That boy who crossed the impossible.
Who I never thought I would stop loving until the day that God ceased to exist.
And yet I did.
I did stop loving him.
And yet life moved on.

As I was casually humming this tune today, it hit me hard.
The melody.
The words.
The meaning.
That person who I was always looking for, I was always in love with already.
I knew what it was that I needed in life, and I have always been in love with the idea of it.
When I finally found someone that seemed to fit that "mold" that I had been in love with my whole life, I was in serious denial for a long time.
Honestly, I was in denial for almost the entire time that we were dating.
Most of me didn't think that this could be that perfect fit.
This couldn't be that one puzzle piece that seemed to have disappeared over the years.
Yet part of me, a very hidden and sub-conscious part of me knew, really KNEW that he fit my song.
He would be that one person that I could never fall out of love with.
And when I finally decided to embrace that small part of me, it all came zooming out!
It was like an ocean of emotion from most of my life, swelled up inside of me.
It was all that love that I had already stored up for my perfect match, and it just came spilling out.
The sun will never set in the universe.
My heart will never stop believing in this simple song that I wrote.
My love and my life will never reverse, because I know what my goals are and I know where I am headed.
I will never stop needing him.
I will never stop seeing him.
I will never stop loving you, Brad.

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